Groucho Marx quotes
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. 
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. 
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'. 
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. 
I sent the club a wire stating, "Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." 
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. 
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. 
Groucho Marx Funny quotes ⇑
Funny Quotes
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. 
Groucho Marx Humor quotes ⇑
Humor Quotes
Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun. 
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. 
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. 
Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. 
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. All Groucho Marx quotes ⇑
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
