Woody Allen quotes

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your …If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

God Life Short Humor

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very …If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

Failure Inspirational

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem …There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Funny Witty Morality

God is silent. Now if only man would shut …God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.

God Short Humor Silence

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not …I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.

Short Humor

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it …I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Death Life Short Fear

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad …Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life Humor Art

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the …I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Life Humor Question

Eighty percent of success is showing …Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Funny Inspirational Short Success

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss …If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.

God Humor

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious …I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

Love Religion Humor

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes …The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Love



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  1. Woody Allen God quotes
  2. All Woody Allen quotes




Woody Allen God quotes ⇑


God Quotes
If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's …If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

God Philosophy Humor

To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal …To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

God Short Humor



All Woody Allen quotes ⇑


Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were …Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

Religion Short Humor

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a …I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Funny Humor

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done …Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.

Short Humor

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they …Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.

Love Man woman

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got …I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Short Humor

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty …Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Funny Love Experience

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing …If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

Humor

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a …You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Desire Humor

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of …The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

Hope Art

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves …I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Humor Reading

Sex is the most fun you can have without …Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my …I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Short Humor

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded …It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

Marriage Humor

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know... I'm starting to get the urge to conquer …I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know... I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Music Humor